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A fiery tale, by 4-3490-34

I began the day on April 1. as I began every other day since I can remember. The air was fresh and crisp, the sun burning brightly on this beautiful Spring day. As every other morning, I walked through the forest trees as tall as tall tale counting at least 34different kinds of birds chirping happily among the branches. I changed my course, deciding it was time for my daily writing fics. Scurrying down to the forest clearing by around midnight, I ran into 34-35-35 happily sitting in the sun reading Hunger Games. I called out to say hello and we began talking about flying.

Suddenly, the sun began to move behind the clouds, it began to softly drizzle, and I began to feel strange and all I could taste was cheese potatoes. I exclaimed, im scared! There was a strange smell that filled the air. Was it farts? Or maybe kitsu? Could it be fire? 34-35-35 and I took off running through the clearing, seeing Keilidh, and Saba, and even Ronnie running for cover! HOLY RAVIOLI BATMAN, I gulped. What would become of us? What would become of all our homes? I thought fondly of my undies and phone, would they be lost forever? Rubbing my hips, thinking hard, I looked around trying to find the source of the awful smell that was steadily growing stronger. In all the commotion, I lost sight of 34-35-35, but saw a crowd ofmungos gathering in the distance.

By the time I arrived on the scene, the Ranger had poured mountain dew and fries all over the raging flames, putting out the fire. Relieved and smiling weakly, I found 34-35-35, as well as my friends Vriska and Silky and bounced over to them knowing that the day was saved! We all thanked the Ranger over and over, and the sun again broke through the clouds as the last remaining puffs of smoke cleared. 34-35-35 grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me excitedly, insisting that we still had time to scamper off to square dancing and make the most of the beautiful day.

The Sexy Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Brie strode along the path, making for Tantalizing Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Smokin Alley, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Mouth.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her scandalous Fi just in time to face the old-fashioned woman who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The woman struck skeptically, and Brie barely raised her Fi to meet the attack. They fought long and nervously until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Brie found herself forced to one knee, the woman’s Fi pressed to her sarcastic lips. “I am Molly of Tantalizing Castle,” she said. “You are an unworthy guardian for the Smokin Alley. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on the attic floor.”

But Brie had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her Fi with a twist, overpowered Molly and pinned her to the ground. “What say you now?” Brie said, looking down upon her.

Molly’s hips shimmered like a hoard of screaming children shoved into an empty theme park. “I have underestimated you, Brie. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty…and more.”

Brie’s desire was enflamed. Her lips throbbed and all her thoughts were to kiss Molly like a cat. Brie caressed Molly’s gorgeous hips and she responded. They came together rhythmically, and their joining was as attractive as their battle, and also much louder.

“Ah, my sweet chlovecest!” Brie groaned and kissed Molly as seductively as she could.

“Ouch!” she yelled. “What the hell is that?”

“Oh,” Brie said. “That’s where I put the Smokin Alley for safekeeping. Sorry.”

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed slowly on the grass, forgetful of all but their sexual love. “We will stay together forever,” Molly said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Mouth never got the Smokin Alley and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Thats all for now guys

If you want a fic, send me an ask. 

;]

The Adventure Of The Cat

Brie and Molly were out for a sarcastic Valentine’s walk on the attic floor. As they went, Molly rested her hand on Brie’s mouth. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so tantalizing, Brie was filled with sexual dread.

“Do you suppose it’s smokin here?” she asked nervously.

“You attractive silly,” Molly said, tickling Brie with her Alley. “It’s completely sexy.”

Just then, an old-fashioned Link leapt out from a poster and kissed Molly in the lips. “Aaargh!” Molly screamed. 

Things looked horrifying. But Brie, although she was scandalous, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a Fi and, like a hoard of screaming children shoved into an empty theme park, beat Link rhythmically until it ran off. “That will teach you to kiss innocent people.”

Then she clasped Molly close. Molly was bleeding slowly. “My darling,” Brie said, and pressed her lips to Molly’s hips.

“I love you,” Molly said seductively, and expired in Brie’s arms.

Brie never loved again.

The Lost Ruby of Egypt

Silky stood before the pyramid, gazing up at the peak. The sun bore down on her bright face at a hundred degrees.

Silky said a prayer, and made one last call to Couga.

Couga, the technical girl, explained the layout of the pyramid.

“Just don’t get killed” Couga said.

So, with that uplifting comment, Silky strode into the pyramid. It was easy going at first (except for the occasional arrow that almost shot her in the butt) and she was following a dank hallway to the center of the pyramid.

The ruby sat high on a pedestal, which Silky climbed up the side of. She grabbed the ruby from where it lay, and suddenly she could hear crunching and grinding noises. The whole place was coming down!

Silky jumped from the pedestall, landing hard on her left boob. With a limp she sped out of the pyramid, just as it collapsed, behind her, into dust.

Silky’s phone rang, out of breath, Silky answered “Yeah?”

On the other side, Couga asked - “Are you still alive?”

The Lost Virginity

   It all started when our overrated adventurer, Ronnie, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously displeased, Ronnie stroked a dull pencil, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a tragically predictable turn of events, she realized that her beloved virginity was missing!  Immediately she called her so-called friend, Molly. Ronnie had known Molly for (around) 20 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones.  Molly was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little… funny-smelling. Ronnie called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Molly picked up to a very mad Ronnie. She told Ronnie that yes, the kiss under the mistletoe with Santa and Mindfang was hot and sexy, and no, you could not join in too Ronnie. That would be preposterous. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Ronnie.  Why was Molly trying to distract Ronnie?  Because she had snuck out from Ronnie’s with the virginity only three days prior.  It was a exotic little virginity… how could she resist?

   It didn’t take long before Ronnie got back to the subject at hand: her virginity. Molly turned red. Relunctantly, Molly invited her over, assuring her they’d find the virginity. Ronnie grabbed her canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Molly realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the virginity and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Ronnie took the TARDIS, she had take at least eleven minutes before Ronnie would get there.  But if she took the Mind Scourge?  Then Molly would be excessively screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Molly was interrupted by four dimwitted Chuies that were lured by her virginity. Molly panicked; ‘Not again’, she thought. Feeling displeased, she aggressively reached for her man-eating gerbil and fearlessly backhanded every last one of them with it. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent—the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That’s when she heard the Mind Scourge sailing up.  It was Ronnie.

——o0o—— 

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald’s to pick up a 12-pack of wolverines, so she knew she was running late.  With a apt leap, Ronnie was out of the Mind Scourge and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Molly’s front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Molly was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the virginity into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. Molly was concerned but at least the virginity was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   ’Come in,’ Molly sassily purred.  With a deft push, Ronnie opened the door.  ’Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive rationality-deprived retard in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,’ she lied.  ’It’s fine,’ Molly assured her. Ronnie took a seat vaguely close to where Molly had hidden the virginity. Molly turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  ’Uhh, can I get you anything?’ she blurted.  But Ronnie was distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Molly noticed a insensitive look on Ronnie’s face. Ronnie slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   ’…What’s that smell?’

   Molly felt a stabbing pain in her two hearts when Ronnie asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the virginity right by her butt. The force of her farts were propelling the smell towards Ronnie. ‘Wh-what?  I don’t smell anything at all..!’  A terrible lie.  A peeved look started to form on Ronnie’s face. She turned to notice a jar that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s carrots from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. None of the sloths would eat anything else.” Ronnie nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Molly could react, Ronnie creepily snaked toward the box and opened it.  The virginity was plainly in view.

   Ronnie stared at Molly for what what must’ve been three minutes. Happy as a frickin’ monkey, Molly groped exotically in Ronnie’s direction, clearly desperate. Ronnie grabbed the virginity and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Molly let out a enchanting chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Ronnie,’ she rebuked. Molly always had been a little dimwitted, so Ronnie knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Molly did something crazy, like… start chucking wolverines at her or something. Absolutely thrilled, she gripped her virginity tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Molly looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell?  That seemed excessive.’ Silence from Ronnie. Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Ronnie. ‘Oh.  You ..okay?’ Still silence. Molly walked over to the window and looked down. Ronnie was gone.

——o0o—— 

   Just yonder, Ronnie was struggling to make her way through the foxy forest behind Molly’s place. Ronnie had severely hurt her double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Chuies suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the virginity.  One by one they latched on to Ronnie.  Already weakened from her injury, Ronnie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of chuies running off with her virginity.

   But then Opehlia came down with Her ingenious smile and restored Ronnie’s virginity. Feeling relieved, Opehlia smote the chuies for their injustice.  Then She got on Ghirahim and flew away with Her herd of 11,000 N’s, Once-lers, and Zekroms. Ronnie jumped with joy when she saw this. Her virginity was safe. Ronnie was relieved. And so, everyone except Molly and a few bloody glove-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

The Ginger Wolf

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Brie.  Brie was 16 years old and lived in Castle Town, Hyrule.

 While walking home from school one day, a ginger wolf jumped out from behind Link’s butt and tackled Brie to the ground.  But just when she was about to let out a scream for help, Brie realized that the ginger wolf was only licking her face, not trying to bite it off.  

At that moment, Brie decided to keep the ginger wolf as a pet.  And on the way home she decided to name her pet ginger wolf ”Verli.”

 When Brie and her new pet finally got home, guess who was standing on the front porch?  That’s right, it was Brie’s mother, Sonic.  And boy was he surprised to see a ginger wolf following Brie into the yard!  

”What in world is that?” shouted Sonic.

 ”It’s a ginger wolf,” answered Brie.  

”Dah, I can see that, Brie, but what on earth is it doing here?” said Sonic.  

”It’s my new pet!” answered Brie.

 ”Oh you think so do you?” remarked Sonic.

 ”I wouldn’t get your hopes up. You know how your father hates ginger wolves.  But, well, I suppose you can keep him until your father comes home.”

 And with that Brie grabbed Verli by the scruff of the neck and led her new pet into the house—even though she knew her father was probably going to dissaprove.  Once in the house, Brie and Verli played and played, that is until Brie’s favorite television show, ”Zelda,” started.  

At that point Brie forgot all about Verli having an unsupervised run of the house.  That is until half way through ”Zelda,” when Brie was brought back to reality when she heard her father shout, ”BAZINGA!!  Brie! Get your sexy butt in the attic…NOW!!”

 With that Brie rushed into the Attic to see what all the fuss was about.  When she entered the attic, there stood her father, Master Chief, pointing toward the loveseat.  

”Will someone please explain that?” asked her father.

 Then, as Brie followed her father’s finger to where it was pointing, she instantly knew what her father was so upset about.  There, smack dab in the middle of the loveseat, was the biggest pile of wolf doo-doo she had ever seen!  

”I don’t EVEN want to know how that got there,” said Master Chief.  ”But you had better get it cleaned up now!  And you had better get rid of whatever it is that could have done such a thing!”  

Well, knowing her father as well as she did, Brie knew there was no sense even asking her father if she could keep Verli for a pet.  So without hesitation, Brie set out to find where Verli was hiding.  After a few minutes of looking, Brie discovered Verli crouched beneath the table that Brie did her gingering on.  

”Come on, Verli, it’s time to find you a new home.  And hey, don’t look at me that way, I’m not the one who did the dirty deed on the Loveseat!” scolded Brie.  ”Thanks to you I’ll never get to have my own pet wolf!!”

And with that Brie led Verli out of the house and down to the local Malo Mart.  They had a pet section and Brie knew the owner would find Verli a good home.  So after saying good-bye to Verli, and thanking the owner of Malo Mart, Brie walked backed home and attempted to drown her sorrows by slamming down a half dozen Faygos.

 But Brie’s pitty party came to an abrupt end when her father reminded her about the mess she had neglected to clean up.  And low and behold, midway through the clean-up, Brie suddenly became thankful that someone else was going to have to do it from now on.  

The End.

MCR Hunt

 It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Molly, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously angered, Molly punched a baby, thinking it would make her feel better (and as usual, it did). As if it really mattered she realized that her beloved band My Chemical Romance was missing!  Immediately she called her former ex-girlfriend, Brie. Molly had known Brie for 10 years, the majority of which were exotic ones.  Brie was unique. She was easygoing though sometimes a little… abrasive. Molly called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Brie picked up to a very calm Molly. Brie calmly assured her that most disease-carrying chipmunks cringe before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually surreptitiously cringe *during* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Molly.  Why was Brie trying to distract Molly?  Because she had snuck out from Molly’s with the My Chemical Romance only ten days prior.  It was a enticing little My Chemical Romance… how could she resist?

   It didn’t take long before Molly got back to the subject at hand: her My Chemical Romance. Brie panicked. Relunctantly, Brie invited her over, assuring her they’d find the My Chemical Romance. Molly grabbed her hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Brie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the My Chemical Romance and she had to do it aimlessly. She figured that if Molly took the deliciously practical 4-door, she had take at least seven minutes before Molly would get there.  But if she took the Epona?  Then Brie would be exceedingly screwed.

   Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Brie was interrupted by nine dimwitted bats that were lured by her My Chemical Romance. Brie panicked; ‘Not again’, she thought. Feeling worried, she fearlessly reached for her ripened avocado and carefully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent—the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That’s when she heard the Epona rolling up.  It was Molly.

——o0o—— 

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim’s House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so she knew she was running late.  With a mighty leap, Molly was out of the Epona and went wildly jaunting toward Brie’s front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Brie was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the My Chemical Romance into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind her refrigerator. Brie was angered but at least the My Chemical Romance was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   ’Come in,’ Brie charismatically purred.  With a apt push, Molly opened the door.  ’Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling flaming idiot in a Jap Trap,’ she lied.  ’It’s fine,’ Brie assured her. Molly took a seat uncomfortably close to where Brie had hidden the My Chemical Romance. Brie yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  ’Uhh, can I get you anything?’ she blurted.  But Molly was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Brie noticed a abrasive look on Molly’s face. Molly slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   ’…What’s that smell?’

   Brie felt a stabbing pain in her armpit when Molly asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the My Chemical Romance right by her oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what?  I don’t smell anything..!’  A lie.  A annoying look started to form on Molly’s face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s wolverines from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras.  She, uh…dropped ‘em by here earlier’. Molly nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Brie could react, Molly randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The My Chemical Romance was plainly in view.

   Molly stared at Brie for what what must’ve been four millseconds. Happy as a frickin’ monkey, Brie groped charismatically in Molly’s direction, clearly desperate. Molly grabbed the My Chemical Romance and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Brie let out a enchanting chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Molly,’ she rebuked. Brie always had been a little annoying, so Molly knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Brie did something crazy, like… start chucking potatos at her or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, she gripped her My Chemical Romance tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Brie looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Molly. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Molly. ‘Oh.  You ..okay?’ Still silence. Brie walked over to the window and looked down. Molly was gone.

——o0o—— 

   Just yonder, Molly was struggling to make her way through the swamp behind Brie’s place. Molly had severely hurt her scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral bats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the My Chemical Romance.  One by one they latched on to Molly.  Already weakened from her injury, Molly yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of bats running off with her My Chemical Romance.

   About seven hours later, Molly awoke, her taint throbbing.  It was dark and Molly did not know where she was.  Deep in the hazy swamp, Molly was barely lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, she remembered that her My Chemical Romance was taken by the bats. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life.  That’s when, to her horror, a big bat emerged from the haunted thicket.  It was the alpha bat. Molly opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the bat sunk its teeth into Molly’s armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Molly’s lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.

   Less than ten miles away, Brie was entombed by anguish over the loss of the My Chemical Romance.  ’MY PRECIOUS!!’ she cried, as she reached for a sharpened banana.  With a mighty thrust, she buried it deeply into her kidney.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Molly… wishing she had found the courage to tell her that she loved her.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the My Chemical Romance that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn’s reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant bats, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.  Our heroes would’ve lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :’(

The Sassy Adventure

 It all started when our over-heralded star, Saba, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously displeased, Saba stroked a gerbil, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, she realized that her beloved Tasty Pineapple was missing!  Immediately she called her so-called buddy, Rory. Saba had known Rory for around 550,000 years, the majority of which were sassy ones.  Rory was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little… annoying. Saba called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

   Rory picked up to a very unhappy Saba. Rory calmly assured her that most long-haired sea monkeys grimace before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Saba.  Why was Rory trying to distract Saba?  Because he had snuck out from Saba’s with the Tasty Pineapple only seven days prior.  It was a eccentric little Tasty Pineapple… how could he resist?

   It didn’t take long before Saba got back to the subject at hand: her Tasty Pineapple. Rory cringed. Relunctantly, Rory invited her over, assuring her they’d find the Tasty Pineapple. Saba grabbed her time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Rory realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Tasty Pineapple and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Saba took the spaceship, he had take at least eleven minutes before Saba would get there.  But if she took the Batmobile?  Then Rory would be ridiculously screwed.

   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Rory was interrupted by five annoying parrots that were lured by his Tasty Pineapple. Rory yawned; ‘Not again’, he thought. Feeling exasperated, he aptly reached for his dull pencil and aptly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent—the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That’s when he heard the Batmobile rolling up.  It was Saba.

——o0o—— 

   As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim’s House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so she knew she was running late.  With a apt leap, Saba was out of the Batmobile and went wildly jaunting toward Rory’s front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Rory was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the Tasty Pineapple into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. Rory was relieved but at least the Tasty Pineapple was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

   ’Come in,’ Rory scandalously purred.  With a deft push, Saba opened the door.  ’Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive spite-toting jerk in a Jap Trap,’ she lied.  ’It’s fine,’ Rory assured her. Saba took a seat RIGHT next to where Rory had hidden the Tasty Pineapple. Rory belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  ’Uhh, can I get you anything?’ he blurted.  But Saba was distracted. As if it really mattered Rory noticed a abrasive look on Saba’s face. Saba slowly opened her mouth to speak.

   ’…What’s that smell?’

   Rory felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Saba asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Tasty Pineapple right by his oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what?  I don’t smell anything..!’  A lie.  A stupid look started to form on Saba’s face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s live hand grenades from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras.  She, uh…dropped ‘em by here earlier’. Saba nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Rory could react, Saba randomly lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Tasty Pineapple was plainly in view.

   Saba stared at Rory for what what must’ve been eight minutes. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Rory groped surreptitiously in Saba’s direction, clearly desperate. Saba grabbed the Tasty Pineapple and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Rory let out a enchanting chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Saba,’ he rebuked. Rory always had been a little clueless, so Saba knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Rory did something crazy, like… start chucking wolverines at him or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, she gripped her Tasty Pineapple tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

   Rory looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Saba. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Saba. ‘Oh.  You ..okay?’ Still silence. Rory walked over to the window and looked down. Saba was gone.

——o0o—— 

   Just yonder, Saba was struggling to make her way through the imaginery desert behind Rory’s place. Saba had severely hurt her ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral parrots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Tasty Pineapple.  One by one they latched on to Saba.  Already weakened from her injury, Saba yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of parrots running off with her Tasty Pineapple.

   But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Saba’s Tasty Pineapple. Feeling exasperated, God smote the parrots for their injustice.  Then He got in His homemade car and jettisoned away with the fortitude of  11,000 albino cats running from a bloated pack of venomous koalas. Saba danced with joy when she saw this. Her Tasty Pineapple was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes her favorite TV show,  MLP, was going to come on (followed immediately by ‘When legless puppies meet rusty razor blade’). Saba was thrilled. And so, everyone except Rory and a few malaria-toting disease-carrying chipmunks lived blissfully happy, forever after.

Dream Date

 Saba always dreams about Rory. He is really sticky and moldy. He also has a Hellhound named Lester. She always dreams about going on a date at Rhode Island ! In the dream she get sloppy popcorn and a raspberry wine. He holds her neck and puts his boob around her. Afterwards he dribble her to his immaterial arthritic video-games. Then he drives Saba to his excitable house, where they stand on the Jesus and say their good byes. If only that zippy dream puppy could come true !